My husband and I recently took a trip. We flew to our destination. With a connecting flight each way, we attentively listened to the stewards on each leg of our journey as they gave their spiel regarding safety in case of an emergency. Per usual, they told everyone on each plane that, if they had small children with them, to take care of themselves first and then see to their child.
Picture this: the plane is flying along smoothly - la dee da dee da. We hit some turbulence, a few pockets of rough air - no big deal. Then the wind picks up, lightening flashes. A little turbulence turns into a major storm. The plane begins to vibrate, to shake. Something goes terribly wrong. The cabin loses pressure. We're headed down. The oxygen masks fall. My granddaughter is with me - screaming, frightened out of her little mind. What do I do? I put her oxygen mask on her of course and then, if I haven't passed out, I take care of me.
Wrong-o.
If you watch certain TV shows or read almost any women's magazine, it doesn't take too long to notice a common theme: stop being so unselfish. What?! Do we in America really have a problem with being unselfish? Seriously? I have a very hard time believing that. Although I can't deny that there is definitely a problem that looks, superficially, like it's caused by being too unselfish. I haven't researched the issue, and I don't have statistics to give you. All I have are my musings on the matter, which are primarily thanks to my husband who has worked tirelessly to drill into me how much he needs me to take care of me. While I think I could come up with enough material to write a book on the subject, this is just a blog, so I'll try to keep it short, and at this point, talk only about severe unselfishness as it refers to moms and mom-burn-out.
I'm hard up to believe that mom-burn-out is caused by a lack of selfishness. I've personally suffered from this affliction, and I guarantee you that I do not lack in selfishness. I think, generally speaking, our problem is that we don't really know what love is. Somehow we've been programmed to think that to love well means to make the object of our love happy at all costs. We tend to forget the second half of the whole " love thy neighbor" verse, which is the unthinkable - "as you love yourself."
"Love yourself?" Now we're talking selfish! Right? We have an aversion to using those two words together. We think it's pure narcissism - but is it? I suppose it can be, but it can also be the best way to love our neighbor (including our spouse and kiddos). If we don't love ourselves, if we don't take time to take care of ourselves, our well will run dry, we'll end up burned-out, with nothing left to give, maybe even resentful. My guess is that a lot of marriages could have been saved if only husband and/or wife had known that they needed to love themselves in order to truly love their spouse. It sounds and feels so ego-centric, so anti-Christian to say you love yourself, but until you do, can you really love anyone else well?
Just something to think about.
Picture this: the plane is flying along smoothly - la dee da dee da. We hit some turbulence, a few pockets of rough air - no big deal. Then the wind picks up, lightening flashes. A little turbulence turns into a major storm. The plane begins to vibrate, to shake. Something goes terribly wrong. The cabin loses pressure. We're headed down. The oxygen masks fall. My granddaughter is with me - screaming, frightened out of her little mind. What do I do? I put her oxygen mask on her of course and then, if I haven't passed out, I take care of me.
Wrong-o.
If you watch certain TV shows or read almost any women's magazine, it doesn't take too long to notice a common theme: stop being so unselfish. What?! Do we in America really have a problem with being unselfish? Seriously? I have a very hard time believing that. Although I can't deny that there is definitely a problem that looks, superficially, like it's caused by being too unselfish. I haven't researched the issue, and I don't have statistics to give you. All I have are my musings on the matter, which are primarily thanks to my husband who has worked tirelessly to drill into me how much he needs me to take care of me. While I think I could come up with enough material to write a book on the subject, this is just a blog, so I'll try to keep it short, and at this point, talk only about severe unselfishness as it refers to moms and mom-burn-out.
I'm hard up to believe that mom-burn-out is caused by a lack of selfishness. I've personally suffered from this affliction, and I guarantee you that I do not lack in selfishness. I think, generally speaking, our problem is that we don't really know what love is. Somehow we've been programmed to think that to love well means to make the object of our love happy at all costs. We tend to forget the second half of the whole " love thy neighbor" verse, which is the unthinkable - "as you love yourself."
"Love yourself?" Now we're talking selfish! Right? We have an aversion to using those two words together. We think it's pure narcissism - but is it? I suppose it can be, but it can also be the best way to love our neighbor (including our spouse and kiddos). If we don't love ourselves, if we don't take time to take care of ourselves, our well will run dry, we'll end up burned-out, with nothing left to give, maybe even resentful. My guess is that a lot of marriages could have been saved if only husband and/or wife had known that they needed to love themselves in order to truly love their spouse. It sounds and feels so ego-centric, so anti-Christian to say you love yourself, but until you do, can you really love anyone else well?
Just something to think about.
Great post.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lori. Though I am a member of another group, "Potential Burned-out Dads Club", I have consistently suffered from the same symptoms. I just can't seem to get it into my head that, no matter how busy a day may be, I still have to take of myself first. It probably is a matter of some inner-healing.
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