I recall an interview I heard once - a couple that had recently celebrated their 75th anniversary. Sitting together on the sofa, holding hands like newlyweds, the interviewer asked them their secret of staying together, the husband looked at his bride, and answered, "I just never left her."
My husband and I celebrated our 28th anniversary this past Saturday - a milestone of which not everyone can boast. I had a light-bulb moment this weekend - one of those moments when you finally see the reality of a thing that's been staring you right in the face for years.
Romans 8:28 says, "all things work together for good for those who love Christ Jesus and are called according to His purpose."
Of course, it's true. Even people who don't believe in God will say that everything works together for the best, and I've always believed it, but I've believed it in a non-chalant sort of way. I mean, of course, things always work out - your child will not go to kindergarten wearing diapers. Your teenager will graduate high school (eventually), and you will find a job. No matter how ugly your current situation is, it will eventually smooth over or you will somehow adjust to it. A resolution will come in some form or another. Although it may take a lot longer than you want it to take.
The thing is, I had never before associated that quote from Romans with my marriage.If you're married or if you've been married, you know that a marriage relationship is not an easy peasy lemon-squeazy kind of relationship. If it was, 50% of them wouldn't end in divorce; but this weekend I realized that all the arguments we've had, all the irritations we've caused each other, all the wounds we've inflicted upon each other, all the frustrations of living with another human being who you can't control (or aren't supposed to control anyway) - all of these things, over time, have slowly, millimeter-by-millimeter, caused our hearts, our souls to meld together. It's as if each argument, each hurt, each misunderstanding took another shovelful of selfishness or pride and scooped it out of us, making room for something much, much better.
It's not the trials alone that mesh two into one. It's the working through them. It's learning to apologize - even when you don't think you did anything wrong, but your words or actions hurt your spouse and for that you are sorry. It's learning to forgive seventy times seven. It's learning to swallow pride. It's never giving up. It's looking at your spouse's heart and not at the fact that they were late - again. It's believing they love you even when they hurt you. It's accepting and appreciating your spouse for who they are - not for who you thought they were or who you think they should be.
In the end, it's determining that divorce is not an option and neither is living together as if you were nothing more than roommates. It's knowing that your spouse is not your enemy, but you and your spouse together have a joint enemy who takes great pleasure in causing division and suspicion and doubt and unforgiveness and insecurity in your marriage and working together with your spouse to not allow that enemy to win.
God set up marriage as a life-time relationship so we could experience the depth and richness and security that comes when He has a life-time to "work all things together for good." He set it up that way because He wants us to know just how amazing love is, and the really cool thing is that marriage is just a picture of Christ and His church.
My husband and I celebrated our 28th anniversary this past Saturday - a milestone of which not everyone can boast. I had a light-bulb moment this weekend - one of those moments when you finally see the reality of a thing that's been staring you right in the face for years.
Romans 8:28 says, "all things work together for good for those who love Christ Jesus and are called according to His purpose."
Of course, it's true. Even people who don't believe in God will say that everything works together for the best, and I've always believed it, but I've believed it in a non-chalant sort of way. I mean, of course, things always work out - your child will not go to kindergarten wearing diapers. Your teenager will graduate high school (eventually), and you will find a job. No matter how ugly your current situation is, it will eventually smooth over or you will somehow adjust to it. A resolution will come in some form or another. Although it may take a lot longer than you want it to take.
The thing is, I had never before associated that quote from Romans with my marriage.If you're married or if you've been married, you know that a marriage relationship is not an easy peasy lemon-squeazy kind of relationship. If it was, 50% of them wouldn't end in divorce; but this weekend I realized that all the arguments we've had, all the irritations we've caused each other, all the wounds we've inflicted upon each other, all the frustrations of living with another human being who you can't control (or aren't supposed to control anyway) - all of these things, over time, have slowly, millimeter-by-millimeter, caused our hearts, our souls to meld together. It's as if each argument, each hurt, each misunderstanding took another shovelful of selfishness or pride and scooped it out of us, making room for something much, much better.
It's not the trials alone that mesh two into one. It's the working through them. It's learning to apologize - even when you don't think you did anything wrong, but your words or actions hurt your spouse and for that you are sorry. It's learning to forgive seventy times seven. It's learning to swallow pride. It's never giving up. It's looking at your spouse's heart and not at the fact that they were late - again. It's believing they love you even when they hurt you. It's accepting and appreciating your spouse for who they are - not for who you thought they were or who you think they should be.
In the end, it's determining that divorce is not an option and neither is living together as if you were nothing more than roommates. It's knowing that your spouse is not your enemy, but you and your spouse together have a joint enemy who takes great pleasure in causing division and suspicion and doubt and unforgiveness and insecurity in your marriage and working together with your spouse to not allow that enemy to win.
God set up marriage as a life-time relationship so we could experience the depth and richness and security that comes when He has a life-time to "work all things together for good." He set it up that way because He wants us to know just how amazing love is, and the really cool thing is that marriage is just a picture of Christ and His church.
Where did you get all this wisdom...I think you should have my job ;-)
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