How the heck are we supposed to obey that one - especially living in America where coveting is virtually the national past time?
As a product of the parochial school system, I studied the ten commandments every year in religion class. Number nine (for Catholics, number ten for just about everyone else) always caused me consternation. How can I possibly control what I want and what I don't want? Teacher after teacher after teacher explained it to us. Without fail, the explanation was that "to covet" meant to want something excessively; to want something more than just a casual "boy, Melissa's got a sweet car. I'd love to have me one of them." They said that coveting implies obsessing over someone else's something, someone else's anything. While this is true, I think they missed the most important point.
What does it matter to God if I really really want a car like Melissa's? If that's all the further it goes? If I don't cross a line? If I don't do anything about it? If I don't lie, steal, or cheat to get one? If all I do is want it, why would God care so much that He made it one of the ten commandments?
Because He loves us.
Fourteen years ago, I went back to work full time. My kids were twelve and ten - sixth and fourth graders, respectively. I had never had any grand career plans. The only thing I'd ever wanted to do, to be, was a wife and mother. I wanted four kids. I wanted to stay home full time and do all the mom-things that I loved to do: keep a our house homey - a place where my husband and children wanted to be, a place where my kids' friends wanted to be. I wanted to drive on field trips, bake cookies, be a room-mother for my kids' classes, etc. etc. Working full time was nowhere on my radar. Oh I went to college, but only because I figured I needed to do something before I started having kids.
I have struggled A LOT over the past fourteen years with coveting my neighbors' lives. The solid friendships I had made during my pre-full-time work years have suffered. Each of these ladies is still a very dear friend, but I don't have the time or energy to give to these relationships like I used to. What makes it really hard is that they are all still stay-at-home moms. They live the life that has been in my heart since I was a very little girl. . . and so I have coveted their lives. I've cried out to God over and over and over and over again. My husband has told me I can quit. That somehow we'll make it. But I can't quit because I know. I KNOW I'm not supposed to. I'm doing what God has for me to do right now and what He's had for me to do these past fourteen years.
I've learned a lot through these years about trusting God. About letting go of what I think is best and believing that He knows best. My coveting is down to a minimum, but periodically things happen that cause it to trickle back in. I spoke with one of those pre-full-time work friends the other day for almost two hours. Not only is she still outside the American work-force, but she lives in a perpetually sunny climate in a beautiful home with a beautiful view. On top of that, I happened to see some pictures of the first home of a young couple that Marc and I did pre-marital counseling with. It was huge and gorgeous. Enter covetousness.
My life is rich with family and friends. I never go hungry. I am loved and I love others. It's only when I look at what others have that I become discontent.
So why did God tell us not to covet?
Because He loves us. Because it's what is best for us. It's what brings us to and keeps us in a place of contentment in our life. It's not one of the big ten because God is some control freak. It's there because His heart is so for us. He so desires that our joy go deeper than our skin, that we know true joy, that He only wants us to look to Him. When I take my eyes off of what I want but don't have and turn to Him and see Him looking back at me with all the love and tenderness of eternity, how can I possibly covet? I am my Beloved's and He is mine. There is nothing else worth wanting.
As a product of the parochial school system, I studied the ten commandments every year in religion class. Number nine (for Catholics, number ten for just about everyone else) always caused me consternation. How can I possibly control what I want and what I don't want? Teacher after teacher after teacher explained it to us. Without fail, the explanation was that "to covet" meant to want something excessively; to want something more than just a casual "boy, Melissa's got a sweet car. I'd love to have me one of them." They said that coveting implies obsessing over someone else's something, someone else's anything. While this is true, I think they missed the most important point.
What does it matter to God if I really really want a car like Melissa's? If that's all the further it goes? If I don't cross a line? If I don't do anything about it? If I don't lie, steal, or cheat to get one? If all I do is want it, why would God care so much that He made it one of the ten commandments?
Because He loves us.
Fourteen years ago, I went back to work full time. My kids were twelve and ten - sixth and fourth graders, respectively. I had never had any grand career plans. The only thing I'd ever wanted to do, to be, was a wife and mother. I wanted four kids. I wanted to stay home full time and do all the mom-things that I loved to do: keep a our house homey - a place where my husband and children wanted to be, a place where my kids' friends wanted to be. I wanted to drive on field trips, bake cookies, be a room-mother for my kids' classes, etc. etc. Working full time was nowhere on my radar. Oh I went to college, but only because I figured I needed to do something before I started having kids.
I have struggled A LOT over the past fourteen years with coveting my neighbors' lives. The solid friendships I had made during my pre-full-time work years have suffered. Each of these ladies is still a very dear friend, but I don't have the time or energy to give to these relationships like I used to. What makes it really hard is that they are all still stay-at-home moms. They live the life that has been in my heart since I was a very little girl. . . and so I have coveted their lives. I've cried out to God over and over and over and over again. My husband has told me I can quit. That somehow we'll make it. But I can't quit because I know. I KNOW I'm not supposed to. I'm doing what God has for me to do right now and what He's had for me to do these past fourteen years.
I've learned a lot through these years about trusting God. About letting go of what I think is best and believing that He knows best. My coveting is down to a minimum, but periodically things happen that cause it to trickle back in. I spoke with one of those pre-full-time work friends the other day for almost two hours. Not only is she still outside the American work-force, but she lives in a perpetually sunny climate in a beautiful home with a beautiful view. On top of that, I happened to see some pictures of the first home of a young couple that Marc and I did pre-marital counseling with. It was huge and gorgeous. Enter covetousness.
My life is rich with family and friends. I never go hungry. I am loved and I love others. It's only when I look at what others have that I become discontent.
So why did God tell us not to covet?
Because He loves us. Because it's what is best for us. It's what brings us to and keeps us in a place of contentment in our life. It's not one of the big ten because God is some control freak. It's there because His heart is so for us. He so desires that our joy go deeper than our skin, that we know true joy, that He only wants us to look to Him. When I take my eyes off of what I want but don't have and turn to Him and see Him looking back at me with all the love and tenderness of eternity, how can I possibly covet? I am my Beloved's and He is mine. There is nothing else worth wanting.
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