I had a teacher in high school who had his doctorate in English. He was the only teacher in this school of 2,000 students that had his PHD, and I was uhhh fortunate enough to have him as my instructor, not just one year, but two. As in most large schools, our class of 500 had been divided up into several learning levels. English had always been my strong suit, and so I managed to make it into the honors level English class. I don't recall much of what Dr. Joe (as we not-so-affectionately called him behind his back) actually taught us (or tried to teach us), but over the course of those two years, there was one phrase he said repeatedly and often to this class of honor students, "God! You're so dumb!" We would sneak sidelong glances to each other and grin. Hopefully without him seeing us. I don't think any of us took it personally, and yet, thirty something years later, I still recall his words.
Several weeks ago I began to read the book of Matthew. I've read it before, but I wanted this time to be different. I wanted to see Jesus in Matthew's words. I didn't want to just read what Jesus said or did. I wanted to see His personality, His heart. I made it to Matthew 17 where the disciples try to cast out a demon unsuccessfully. When Jesus hears about their failure, He says, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things?" (The Message)
In the past, I would read those words of Jesus, not just in Matthew but in other places where He seems impatient and frustrated with the disciples, and I would hear Dr. Joe's "God! You're so dumb!" but this time, instead of interpreting Jesus' words through my experience with a high school teacher and my own frustrations with myself, I interpreted them through what I know of God. Namely that God is love, and everything He says and does can only come from love and lead toward love. Period. No exceptions. That's who God is. Love.
Jesus' words are not derogatory. They are not spoken in angry frustration. They are words of longing, words of yearning. He aches for our hearts to understand, to grasp even a poppy seed of the reality of who He is and the power and strength and the incomprehensible bigness of God. He pleads with us, "Come on, guys! Isn't it obvious? Don't you see? It's so amazing - I want so much for you to get it! I want so much for you to see it!"
He just wants us to believe, to have faith, to take Him at His word. I want to respond to the yearning of Jesus' heart! I want so much to comprehend His incomprehensible love!
I just read through Matthew recently and was struck by the same thing--that is seemed like Jesus was exasperated and fustrated with the disciples (and thus with us), yet that contradicts what we know of God--excellent insight! Thanks!
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